My Story...

These days everything is fantastic now that I am happily started on my new Second life, but there was a first!

I was a 21 year old living in the Big Apple - having just moved there from Europe. One day on my way to the office centre in New York I slipped on ice, and all the important documents I was carrying flew away. ------ Out of the blue a dark handsome man appeared, and our hearts seemed to melt. "John," helped me collect the papers, ------ and that's just how it started.

We began dating, ------ it was like a dream. Passion, red roses and tenderness. John was a salesman and traveled quite a lot. Because our dates were only one or two days at a time we never really got to know each other, and his friends were only casual acquaintances.

Everything moved like lightning, and after 3 months of dating I was estatic when John asked me to be his wife. All my friends and relatives were shocked because our relationship had been so short, but I didn't care, we had a lifetime to spend together. I was young and naive, and was about to pay the price.

Four months of marriage went by, and suddenly John lost his job, (he didn't bother to tell me why). We had to move out of his apartment in to my small one in Brooklyn. I didn't mind because I was still happily married. But then there was a bolt of thunder ------

John started to use my money for drinking. He would come home drunk in the early hours. He was depressed and very loud. He began assaulting me with different kinds of things, and blamed me because he lost his job. Rapidly he became more violent.

Then, one Friday morning my fairytale dream was broken and destroyed. John arrived home at 5am and started to yell because the food wasn't on the table. He struck me on the face and smashed my head against the wall so hard that I almost fell unconscious. I was crying, but he continued to abuse me. I became John's property, I was nothing more than his boxing sack.

More and more I was calling in sick at work. I felt that the problems we had were all my fault, and worried that I didn't always fulfill his demands. Was the dinner just right? Was there enough beer in the fridge?

Beer was how it started. More beer, then more abuse and violence. He even forced me to bed after hitting me. He always threatened me that if I told my friends, some little accident may happen to them too. Things were better sometimes though, and he even tried to find a job. He brought me flowers and promised to change, but sadly he never did.

I was living in fear, and had to put on an act with my friends so they believed all was well. The pretense grew so hard that I tried to avoid them.

One day when John was recklessly drunk, he beat me up more horrifically than ever, he raped me very violently. Then he threw me down the stairs. Luckily my neighbors found me lying unconscious and took me to the hospital. I just escaped a coma. My face was battered, I had internal bleeding, and 7 ribs were broken. The Doctor asked me if I knew I was 10 weeks pregnant, but I definitely didn't. One rib had gone through the uterus, forcing me to have a hysterectomy. This was how I lost my unborn child. Now I can never have a baby.

In the hospital I was asked if my husband had beaten me up. I could not face the truth. ------ I said I fell down the stairs, but I'm not sure they believed me. The police went to find John at home, ...... he was also unconscious, but in his case because of alcohol.

My friends knew about John's bad temper, but I always put on a happy face. I spent two weeks in hospital and "dear John" came to visit everyday carrying flowers, and saying how much he loved me. I was always frightened, and could no longer believe him.

During my stay in hospital my boss visited me. Attached to the flowers she brought me, was a small advertisement which read, "An Effective Self defense Course for Women". Another work friend who visited me, said I could move into her apartment until my "problems" were resolved. ------ And that's just what I did!

Physically I was just about alright, except for the brutal fact that I would never be able to have children. This was a reality I didn't even want to consider. Mentally I was weak and living in terror, worrying that one day John would find me.

I heard he had sold all our possessions in order to buy alcohol. He could no longer pay the rent, and would soon be homeless. I informed him through my lawyer that I wanted a divorce. He would not accept it, saying there were no grounds and no proof. ------ I thought I would never be free.

A few days later I remembered the advertisement about the self defense course. I decided to make a positive move and go forward with my life. I wanted to do something to protect myself and regain my self confidence. Finally I called in ------

There were 17 women on the course, all with different stories and different motives. The course ran twice a week. It lasted 4 months and in that time we practiced many different types of self defense techniques against the most common attacks on the streets and at home. I started to feel more secure and confident after I learnt the first tactic, I wanted the course to go faster because I was still afraid that I might end up in a situation where I would need all the skills. My instructor was very warm, but also very demanding. He had been born in an unstable country, and had fought in the Middle East wars. He had coached women soldiers, so he really knew what we needed to learn.

The instructor's main objective was to make us understand the different types of threats we could encounter. He used lots of examples from real life and advised us on how to avoid them beforehand, as well as using self defense techniques against aggressive attackers. We all learned how to feel more secure.

On the course I grew as a person and regained my self respect, I realized that no one has the right to abuse anyone physically or sexually. I saw how I had allowed myself to be abused.

Towards the end of the course my friend from the office phoned me and said that John had called in. She said he was willing to give me a divorce, but wanted to talk to me about it before. We arranged to meet in a nearby restaurant. I did not chance going alone, and took along my girlfriend. John was really down, and I almost felt sorry for him. He said he loved me and wanted me back. I told him it was all over, and the only thing I wanted was his signature on the divorce paper. He looked like he was going to cry, but then the insults flew. He accused me of being an unfaithful wife and a hooker. He said he would never divorce me.

My friend and I got up from the table and headed for the exit. Suddenly someone screamed "Watch out, he's got a knife!" I swiftly turned round and saw John attacking me with the knife using the "Oriental Stab," an action which I had learnt the defense and counter attack to, in my first lesson. I used my natural reactions and reflexes using the technique automatically. John had no time to think when I hit him just under the nose with my palm. Immediately I continued, and kicked him straight in the groin 45 degrees upwards This was too much for him. He fell and started to throw up. Probably my first strike had been enough for him. I felt proud of being able to defend myself, and it was finally payback time! The police were called, and customers congratulated me, some had worried I would be hurt.

During John's trial, it was revealed that he had other physical abuse charges. Apparently he had been fired because he had beaten up a colleague when she refused to go to bed with him. My divorce came through, and John was arrested and put in jail for 3 years.