Leaving

Preparing to Leave

• Keep evidence of abuse (i.e., pictures, police reports, etc.) in a safe place that is accessible to you.
• Know where you can go to get help; tell someone you trust what is happening to you.
• If you are injured, go to a doctor or emergency room and report what happened to you.
• Make sure that they record your visit.
• Make sure that your children know that it is their job to stay safe, not protect you.
• Keep a journal of all violent incidences.
• Start an individual savings account and have statements sent to a trusted friend. Acquire job skills.
• If you must sneak away, leave extra money, extra car keys, important papers, and extra set of clothes for yourself and children with a trusted friend (avoid family members and mutual friends who may be influenced by the abuser). Include a list of important numbers (insurance numbers, driver's license, medication, checkbook, credit card numbers, etc.)
• Practice effective Self Defense Tricks... just in case

Getting Out:

What to do when leaving an abusive relationship?

If you are contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, there are some things you should do that may assist you in the process of leaving:

Make a safety plan
• Write down Contact Places in the community for support
• Assess your safety and that of your children
• Contact a shelter for a safe place to stay
• Seek interim custody
• Seek a support system from family, friends and advocates
• Be prepared, it helps you in a case of emergency.

Make an Escape Plan

• Make sure you have important documents
• Save money in secret when you can
• Keep extra keys and clothes with friends
• Plan out all possible escape routes - doors, first floor windows, elevators, stairwells and rehearse escape routes with your children
• Arrange a safe place to go such as a friend or relative who will offer unconditional support - or a motel, hotel, or shelter
• Memorize the telephone number of a domestic violence shelter or call 911
• Secure transportation
• Work out a signal system with a friend or other family members so that they know you are in danger
• Go when he is gone
• Don't tell him you are leaving
• Create an excuse to slip away
• Avoid arguments in areas with potential weapons such as the kitchen, garage, or in small spaces without escape routes.
• When leaving your home, be aware. Your spouse may try to hurt you to stop you escaping.
• Start to learn self defense techniques immediately!

What can you do if you have been abused?

• You can, and you should talk to someone about the abuse.
• You can tell a family member, a friend, or your doctor
• You can also talk to a support group in your community. Women's centres and legal aid offices may be able to tell you of other services which offer help.

You can get medical help

• If you have been hurt you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency Department at a hospital.
• If your injuries are visible you can have pictures taken. They can be used in court should you decide to lay assault charges.
• There are special medical and police procedures for sexual assault cases.
• For more information, check the Sexual Assault Department and the law in your country.

You can apply for a peace bond (in the countries where this system exist)

A peace bond or 'recognizance' is a paper signed by a person (such as a spouse) promising to keep the peace and be of good behavior. The peace bond may have other conditions such as requiring the person to stay away from your home or place of work. A peace bond may last for up to one year. The judge decides how long it will last.

You have to go to court to get a peace bond. You do not have to be assaulted to apply nor do you have to lay assault charges. You do have to convince the judge that you have a reasonable fear of the offender. The offender will also be in court.

Finding a Place To Go

When an assault occurs you should attempt to protect yourself. One way you might do this is to leave the home. If you don't have a friend or family member with whom you can safely stay, and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters in your country which will accommodate you in an emergency. The RCMP or the police, if requested, will escort you out of the family home to any safe place you specify.

If there are no shelters for you in the vicinity, the Salvation Army may be able to provide temporary assistance. It might also be worthwhile to check with the local Crisis Line or Help Line which may be able to provide a list of the organizations that can help during a crisis.

National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE

1-800-799-7233

1-800-787-3224

TDD 24-hour-a-day hotline staffed by trained counselors ready to provide immediate crisis intervention assistance to those in need. Callers can be connected directly to help in their communities, including emergency services and shelters as well as receive information and referrals, counseling and assistance in reporting abuse.

This is a vital lifeline to anyone - man, woman or child - who is a survivor of domestic violence, or who suspects that someone they know may be the victim of abuse. Calls to the hotline are confidential, and callers may remain anonymous if they wish.

"Cut the cycle of silence"

"If I can survive, so can you."

"Be Aware and be prepared"