SafetyForWomen

Written by "taw991"

Death of a human being happens once and is finite in life. It is the ending of their existence, but the death of a human being’s spirit is a slow and tedious process it takes an eternity to overcome. One event leads to the next and in an abusive relationship it does not begin at that moment, but years before. The years of being a victim, loss of self worth, and not setting boundaries take the person to the death of their spirit ever so slowly. The destruction it causes for many is never noticed throughout their lifetime. We have all heard the saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Really, if this is so true then why are the spirits of abused victims dying everytime an abuser opens their mouth.

At the age of eight I was walking home from church when an older neighbor boy said come here yes you in the plaid skit. I walked over thinking I was going to get some candy instead I got the horror of my life. He lifted my skirt and removed the summer shorts I wore underneath to keep me warm He said in a harsh loud voice, “Do Not ever tell a man NO Ever do you hear me!” I squealed yes as he raped me.

Do not eat those potato chips you will become fat and nobody will want you for a wife. My father said. These words lead to battling eating disorders.

With my spirit slowly tearing away and my self-esteem non-existent, I entered an abusive marriage. This abuse was acceptable because it was words names will never hurt. We all have said it and believe it, You idiot, you dummy, you wimp, don’t cry, don’t feel. You need a tummy tuck if you got one of those it would make you look so much nicer he said to me after losing 40 lbs. In the end everytime those words were spoken they caused pain and hurt. They tear at the spirit
It was never enough for him, never good enough I just kept trying to make it right, but as he said it was all me I did it all wrong. I was the cause of the problems in our marriage. Lose of self worth made this believable for me.

Holding my hands above my head he threw me to the bed forcing himself upon me until he reaches his pleasure, even though I told him NO. What pleasure can this be taking someone against their will someone you are suppose to love, cherish, and honor. Of course he just validated what I was told never tell a man NO! Who now really has control over my life?

Seeking help, I went to men of faith, men whom I believed would guide me to find answers to the problems. They told me to lose weight that my husband would find me attractive and this would solve the problem. One said oh you must not be giving him enough sex give it to him more often.

Do you know these numbers on the wireless phone list? Yes that is my new friend, Denise. Oh you really like to talk to her. You call her six or seven times a day not counting the time she calls you. Oh were are just friends.

Sitting in the tub, I hear the door open and there stands my husband he says remember that woman Denise. Well she wanted to know if I would come over for sex one Wednesday evening while her children are at church and her husband at work. I thought about it for a day or so and I decided not to. Here I got this ring for you I know you always wanted a pearl ring. Guilty of something, I am just not sure what he is feeling guilty over.

Mom, Mom, Mom, are you their guess what just walked into our house just walked into our house and started up the stairs where dad was. That woman! Son what woman? The one that dad talks to. She did not tell me her name, but I know it was her! She was shocked as hell to see me standing in the door way dad kept saying to me all day go out with your friends call Joe, call Somer, call anyone to hang out with for tonight, but I couldn’t find anyone. I see why he wanted me gone so he could have sex in our house with that slut. Mom it is her birthday did you know that? Mom what are you going to do? Son I will be home tomorrow thanks. Hey honey who was that woman that walked into our house and up the stairs while I was away? Look I have not clue what you are talking about you’re crazy. If I wanted to have an affair, I would not do it in my house.

I didn’t set boundaries, yet again I stayed and that choice caused my son, the one who was trying to protect me, take the brunt of his father’s rage. His dad can justify this rage because he is the father, the man of the family. Of course, it comes back to his son caught him at his cheating game. Off to jail they hauled his ass, but I still let him come back home home to torment us with words like wimp, idiot, crybaby, fat, dummy, you and the kids get out of my house and give me my money. He was a bully that is how he took from us our self-esteem, self-worth, and tore our spirit’s away.

Brenda where are you? On my way to class. Why? I wanted that roast for dinner with some vegetables. Bob that is frozen, ok ok, ok, I’ll turn around and take it out. Then I will leave class early to get it in the oven. As I served him this meal, he says who is this for the dog? Never appreciated what effort I did. I could have served him that meal on china and with the best-selected meat and his response would have been the same. You are just a little better than an animal, but not much.

He took a knife and raised it above my stomach this came as a threat a very scary frightening threat, he thought it was a joke. He was pissed because I was no longer fixing his meals, giving him sex. He knew how to manipulate and control people. He can justify it by saying it was just a joke. This was a perfect for him because he got what he wanted and knew this would work...

He got it, but not for long two weeks later, I served him with a restraining order, and divorce papers. I threw his ass out of the house Gone is his narcissism, Gone is his abusive nature and his way of walking the line of abuse, Gone is his cheating and lying nature for good. To this day, he cannot figure out why I left such a fantastic man.

I stand today as a survivor of abuse.
I stand here today the effects of others choices in my life.
I stand today as a woman, a woman who knows a little bit about what leads to this behavior.
I stand her today to say no to abuse, no to things that I do not feel comfortable with.
I stand here today with a dying spirit that is slowly recovering from the effects of this abuse.
I stand before you today as woman who is gaining strength courage and boundaries.
I will spend the rest of my life correcting the effects of abuse on my life, but most of all.
I stand today to say to you abuse is wrong, very wrong and in any form.
I stand today and hope that anyone who has been abused will stand! Stand with me today and say NO!